One thing I really love about it here is how quickly my mind changes about things.
I work on the first floor boutique office of a 9 floor very industrial building. There are no windows to the outside. There are glass cut outs between offices and glass windows between me and the hallway of the building, through which a horde of high schoolers walk(very loudly) everyday to the cafeteria down the hall. There are 3 cafeterias to the side of our office - we all usually go there for lunch, bring it back and sit at our desks or the break room. My area of the office is cozy: my desk is awesome and large and all cherry wood. I get a sweet conference-room chair. I turn off the flourescent lights and work by the six spotlights above that illuminate the company logo (that I got to pick out). I really like my space. But I'm disconnected from 1)the rest of the office staff and 2)the outside world. At any given time there can be a global meltdown occurring and I wouldn't know unless someone Tweeted about it. So I have a lot of time to myself to dwell and fester on anything and everything. I leave at 5 p.m. upset about something that happened at 8:15. Not often - but the chances of a problem blowing over (while I have all day to think about it in my small space) are very small.
But then something amazing can happen and turn that mood completely off: I walk out of the building with John Mayer or country music blaring in my ears and I see the Empire State building. Yes! The city is only a train ride away and then I'm home free. I don't know how to explain it in words you would relate to but I know that once I come out of the train station at 47th street and Broadway - the tip of Times Square - I'll be the purest and most fulfilling kind of happy. It doesn't depend on someone else or something happening. It's just me, standing where I'm standing, thinking of how much I wanted to be standing in that spot a year ago, thinking about how I came to be standing there and that I'll be able to stand there again tomorrow. And although I'm standing ALONE on this crowded corner pushing my way past tourists and Elmo, I look up at another after-work-tired New Yorker and I feel a connection. Zing!
Manhattan
New address, new roomie. 530 West 47th Street #3C NY, NY 10036. Send me stuff.
Living in the city is much better for me. I love that it's just steps away. What's just steps away, you ask? Well - everything! I walk home through the very north of Times Square everyday and I. Love. It. Love it! My apartment is little and cute and comfortable and my roommate is awesome. She gets me and still lives me. We can watch LoTR and Aladdin and Brothers and Sisters. I'm a lot more broke and taking my lunch every day but I. Love. It.
My job is getting better - I've been given a lot more work and now I do about 3 times the amount of stuff I used to do. I am not bored but sometimes I'm so stressed and I wonder if it's worth it. I hope so. I try to comfort myself with the infinite options that await me outside of the office but I remember that a new direction would require me to be decisive about my future. And my indecisiveness isn't news to anyone. So - just staying the course for now. Hopefully someday I can live more comfortably.
I went home a few weeks ago - I was really worried about the whole bittersweet emotional rollercoaster that I feel everytime I go home but it wasn't so bad this time around. Which is also bittersweet. I used to cry as the plane left JFK. And then I'd cry on the way back until I saw the NY skyline. I hate coming and going. I hate that "home" is so far away but that "happy" is here. There's a little of both in CA and NY I guess ... Anyway going home this time wasn't so emotional.
I've been thinking about how most of my relatives ask why I like it here - no family, such extreme weather changes, so many more strangers and dangers. I can't really explain why I love it here. It's just something you feel when you're here or not. Todd and I will be walking around town and I'll say "I love it here." It's a very packed statement and he says "I know" and I know he totally gets it. Mom gets it too I think.
Living in the city is much better for me. I love that it's just steps away. What's just steps away, you ask? Well - everything! I walk home through the very north of Times Square everyday and I. Love. It. Love it! My apartment is little and cute and comfortable and my roommate is awesome. She gets me and still lives me. We can watch LoTR and Aladdin and Brothers and Sisters. I'm a lot more broke and taking my lunch every day but I. Love. It.
My job is getting better - I've been given a lot more work and now I do about 3 times the amount of stuff I used to do. I am not bored but sometimes I'm so stressed and I wonder if it's worth it. I hope so. I try to comfort myself with the infinite options that await me outside of the office but I remember that a new direction would require me to be decisive about my future. And my indecisiveness isn't news to anyone. So - just staying the course for now. Hopefully someday I can live more comfortably.
I went home a few weeks ago - I was really worried about the whole bittersweet emotional rollercoaster that I feel everytime I go home but it wasn't so bad this time around. Which is also bittersweet. I used to cry as the plane left JFK. And then I'd cry on the way back until I saw the NY skyline. I hate coming and going. I hate that "home" is so far away but that "happy" is here. There's a little of both in CA and NY I guess ... Anyway going home this time wasn't so emotional.
I've been thinking about how most of my relatives ask why I like it here - no family, such extreme weather changes, so many more strangers and dangers. I can't really explain why I love it here. It's just something you feel when you're here or not. Todd and I will be walking around town and I'll say "I love it here." It's a very packed statement and he says "I know" and I know he totally gets it. Mom gets it too I think.
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